TURNING THIRTY

I'm thirty in less than a fortnight. It doesn't bother me in the slightest - not like it has done for quite a few of my male friends. But I have been feeling rather nostalgic recently.
Ordinarily, I'd pine for my university days which were an absolute blast. But these past weeks I've been thinking back to my school days. I've even unearthed some of my old diaries from when I was 15, 16 and 17. And I was quite shocked to read what a complete bitch I was. Not to my girl friends - but the boys... all of whom I seem to have fancied at one point or another!

Every week I'm either thinking of asking someone out, and then 'getting off' with some one different; or I have a boyfriend, but I'm thinking more about another person; or I'm happy in a 'relationship' but still 'get off' with someone else - week in, week out for what appears to about five years. I do remember not being particularly faithful to the few boyfriends I had through school, but reading back what I can only assume is a more accurate picture, as I was writing it at the time, I was really, really horrible.

It's no wonder Mum and me used to row about what she always referred to as my ' attitude problem'. I'm in no doubt she used to read my diaries, so she would have found her daughter to be a completely selfish slut. Not that I was sleeping with any of these boys - just adolescent stuff.
I can't decide whether I was just very indecisive as to who I wanted to be with; whether I simply just wanted to have my cake and eat it; or was scared of any kind of commitment, and didn't care for how they might feel.
Thankfully none of that is now an issue - I am in now doubt whatsoever who I want to be with, and that's been the case for the past six years, and I hope many, many more to come.
So there is the argument that at least I got all my 'philandering' - or should that be rich-andering, stu-andering, matt-andering etc etc..... - out of the way when I was young, and not in my 20s when relationships are clearly more important and with more serious consequences.

Anyway - all this reminiscing and lurking into the misty past brings me back again to my 30th. Perhaps that's why I have chosen to celebrate with a big School Disco! But I promise I won't be the naughty teenager that I was the first time round!!!